Break Free from Slavery to Acceptance
Are you always afraid of what people might think about you? Because of that, do you withhold yourself from expressing your opinion? And do you often feel insecure and unsure in the company of others? You then most probably long to break free from slavery to acceptance.
I can comfort you. You’re not alone! Many people share those feelings with you. And there are ways to change how you feel. What will I talk about on this blog?
- The natural need for acceptance
- Children absorb like a sponge
- The connection between approval and self-esteem
- Your ‘programs’ and copied behavior are not your destiny
- What’s learned can be unlearned
- Finally break free from slavery to acceptance
- Get to work and free yourself
Let’s have a look…
The need for acceptance
Who doesn’t want to feel accepted by other people? We all do. It’s an inbuilt desire. As a child, we naturally feel the need for approval – as we are – by our family members. By the time we are a teenager, the desire to feel accepted by our peers in school has grown stronger.
For a part, it forms your identity. Unconsciously you build up your personality and behavior, among other things, by reflecting on other people’s reaction to you. So the degree of acceptance by the people most close to you has an influence on who you become.
Of course, when you’re young people can influence your personality more easily than when you get older. But having more awareness about how being a slave of approval steals away your freedom, can motivate you to change.
Absorbing like a sponge
Who you are is partly the result of the influence of the people closest to you in childhood. A child is like a sponge. It absorbs everything around him. Especially the behavior of its caregivers.
This means that at least some of your habits are copied behavior from childhood. Even certain thought patterns are determined by how you were raised up.
What might be a reason for yearning after acceptance as an adult? Let’s say your parents never gave you a compliment nor praised you. Because of that, your natural need for approval has not been satisfied. At a certain age, you probably became very vulnerable to and afraid of criticism.
Maybe without being aware you are still looking for that approval. It can even make you feel seriously depressed. Why? Because it’s an unmet fundamental need!
Approval and self-esteem
What are the consequences of having these unmet needs? Research has shown that it will be more likely to base your self-respect on the love and approval from others, instead of on your own accomplishments.
It’s interesting that you then measure your own value or self-esteem according to the level others like you, or to the extent you mean something to another. When you lose that support, your feeling of self-esteem will plummet! Because of that, chances are very big that depression will develop as a result.
But does this mean that it’s your destiny to live the rest of your life with low self-esteem and depression? Is it only wishful thinking to break free from slavery to acceptance? Let’s see.
Your ‘programs’ are not your destiny
So, several of your ‘programs’ were written by other people – who often didn’t know better. In the end, they were also the product of their upbringing, and their parents of theirs and so on…
Knowing this can help you see yourself from another perspective. It is also a key to more self-acceptance. See some of your weaknesses as things you automatically copied, or in other cases developed as a counter-reaction.
This means that you’re not born with this particular shortcoming. It’s not an inherent or inseparable part of your personality. And it certainly is not your destiny!
And the good news is: you can change them! How bad some habits or thought patterns may be, it’s a fact that you can unlearn many of them. Even though some deep-rooted ones may be only influenceable to a certain degree. But exactly how can you start changing?
What’s learned can be unlearned
The things you’ve learned in the past weren’t there before that, were they? For instance, when a learned pattern was built with connections inside your brain, those connections can be broken again!
There are many techniques for rewiring your brain – and thus habits – in a relatively fast way. One of them is EFT or Emotional Freedom Techniques.
What’s also important is taking the time to learn to know yourself better. Ask yourself questions like: What situations make me feel worse with self-esteem? Where do I feel that in my body? What does that remind of? What does it make me believe about myself?
Finally break free from slavery to acceptance
By asking questions, investigating and observing, you’ll get answers. When you start knowing yourself better, you’ll have more understanding. It will help you to know what exactly to work on. Along the way, accepting who you are will become easier.
Don’t fight against yourself. Instead, build yourself up and become stronger. Life is also a precious gift. Don’t let yourself be torn down by the echo of criticism.
Get to work and free yourself
You are worthy to have an opinion and express yourself. It will give your friends and yourself the opportunity to learn to know you even better. And remember: good friends won’t reject you that easily!
When you gain more self-respect, your world won’t collapse each time someone doesn’t accept your opinion. So, get to work and break free from slavery to acceptance!
I wish you success!